Nurturing Your Luxury Mindset With Neen James

Luxury may be associated with high-end lifestyle and possessions, but there is far deeper wisdom to it than meets the eye. Leadership strategist, keynote speaker, and author Neen James joins Tony Martignetti to explore how a luxury mindset can help elevate your business and capture people's attention with your message. She breaks down how customization, personalization, and fascination can profoundly transform how you convey your message to the world, leading to lasting connections and exceptional experiences. Neen also discusses the huge impact of “champagne moments” and why you should start thinking like a concierge, not a bellhop.

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Nurturing Your Luxury Mindset With Neen James

I am so thrilled to bring my guest in this episode. Neen James is a leadership strategist, dynamic keynote speaker, and the author of Folding Time, Attention Pays, and the one that has been recently released Exceptional Experiences. With boundless energy, quick wit, and actionable insights, she served as a confidant to C-suite leaders to help them elevate experiences and achieve greater focus, communication, and influence.

Appointed to the board of the World Luxury Chamber of Commerce, Neen James has been named one of The Top 30 Leadership Speakers by Global Gurus, multiple years in a row, for her work with some of the world's most prestigious brands, including Viacom, Comcast, Virtuoso Travel, and the Four Seasons. She empowers individuals to prioritize what matters most, so they can create exceptional experiences that drive results and foster lasting connections. Originally from Australia, she now lives her best life in Tampa, Florida. It is truly a pleasure to welcome you to the virtual campfire.

Tony, what a privilege this is to sit around the campfire with you and share stories together.

Growing Up In A Small Town In Australia

It's always a wonderful experience being around a fire and having this warm and inviting conversation. One of the things that I'm so thrilled about is hearing your background and where you're coming from and all the things you've done. We're going to have such a wonderful conversation about understanding what brought you here to do this amazing work in the world. I can't wait to get started. Before we get started, I want you to give the lay of the land. What we often do in the show is we talk about people's journeys through what's called flashpoints. Flashpoints are the points in your journey that have ignited your gifts into the world. In the moment when I turn it over to you, you can share what you were called to share, and we'll pause along the way and see what themes are showing up. Are you ready?

I'm always ready.

Awesome. I can't wait. All right, my friend. Take it away.

While I have the privilege right now of working with CEOs and their teams of luxury and legacy brands, I certainly did not start in that environment. I'm from a tiny little town in Australia that had one traffic light when I was there, and I was raised by a single mom. My sister and I had a role model to us from this incredible woman, my mom, who I'm still fortunate to have on this planet. My mom worked harder than anyone I'd ever known. She would clean houses. She would pick fruit. She sold lettuce on the side of the road. No matter how busy my mom was, at the end of the exhausting shift, she would walk through a community garden and she would pick a flower. She would bring that flower back to our little caravan. In America, they call that a trailer park.

She would put in the glass, we called it bars because it made us feel fancy. My mom reminded us, as little girls, that it didn't matter about money or things, but we all deserved luxury. We all deserved to feel special and to have beauty. When I think about flashpoints, I was asking my mom about this the other day, I was like, “How old was I when we lived in this caravan. What's fascinating is when we look back on our origin, where we came from, and the influence that that has had, I had a very accelerated corporate career.

I was so blessed. I worked in retail, banking, telecommunications, and the oil industry. There were not a lot of corporate chicks in oil when I was there. What I noticed in my career is that the people who got ahead were the people who could get things done, people who could articulate their value in the world to communicate, to stand up, and deliver. I moved through things very quickly. I was very young and probably stupid. I didn't realize I shouldn't be doing the roles I was doing. People can't understand this from just listening to this, but I'm 4’10.5” and I sound like I'm five. I have blonde hair and have an Australian accent. I don’t actually look like the corporate chick that you might be expecting to walk in.

It was fascinating to me to have this corporate career and have these amazing opportunities, so many of them. I remember often leading large teams and leading the board retreat. I was always taking a role where I would stand in front of others. I would speak at the town hall. I would do the training, and so I found myself in whether it was leading in Sunday school as a little girl, all the way through to leading those large events.

I remember someone saying to me, “You know, you should be a speaker.” I remember thinking they were lunatics. I was like, “Can you make money doing that? Is that a job? People get paid to speak?” I was a corporate girl. That's when I discovered the National Speakers Association of Australia. One of my flashpoints was walking in and watching this gentleman called Matt Church, who later became my mentor, and eventually my business partner and a dear friend still today. I remember him standing at the front of the room, and he was giving all his intellectual properties. He was giving templates, systems, and ideas.

I was a corporate chick. I'm sitting there going, “Our legal department had problems with this.” I remember going up to him afterwards and saying, “You gave all your ideas out to this room of people who I perceived to be your competitors.” He said to me, “Less than 1% of the people in this room will use it.” What fascinated me about that was his generosity, his ability to share his thought leadership with the world, knowing that they could take it, evolve it, or change it.

Making Everyone Feel Seen And Heard

Eventually, I left my corporate role. I became a full-time speaker. I set up my own company. I went from having this beautiful Sydney Harbour View with multiple secretaries, as we call them at the time, the expense account, the parking, and all the things that came with the traffic. I was sitting in my tiny apartment in Sydney, starting my own company in my pajamas. Literally, that's how I started my practice. Eventually, a couple of years later, we moved to the US, and I had to start all over again. What has been interesting, if you track my journey, is this ability to stand on my feet to be able to deliver, but to do it in a way that everyone in the room feels like they're the only person I'm talking to. My mission has always been in life. I just want people to feel seen and heard, and so all of my body of work is around that.

In one of my books, Folding Time, I had said you can't manage time, but you can manage your attention. I started to talk about attention management. Another flashpoint was when I evolved my work, and I was like, “Wait, attention pays.” I wrote a book about that. It is your intention that makes attention valuable. I've always had this idea about gifting people your undivided attention, but because I was so fortunate to work with so many luxury and legacy brands, what luxury brands do better than most people on the planet is they personalize and customize everything.

I was like, “They see their gifts. They understand that bespoke is creating experiences. How do I take those principles and apply them to my belief in making people feel seen and heard?” While I think attention is about connection, luxury is about the human connection. I started to explore this belief. I had about luxury as a mindset. I've always had it because of my mom. She set us up young to believe we all deserve to feel special and seen. Now, if you look at my body of work and how it has evolved, I have the only research study of its kind in the world on luxury as a mindset. That's what the Exceptional Experience book is all about. It's this combination of all my research studies and all these things that I have been doing in the world.

When I look back, there's a throughline, and it's always about I've always wanted to create these significant moments that matter for people. That is always about attention, connection, making people feel seen, heard, and valued. That started with my mom, and I think I'm still on this journey about my book, which is the last piece of the journey right now that I'm most excited about. It gives me an opportunity to scale that message, so everyone can do it in the business, church, temple, home, or office. That's why I'm so excited about this.

You drop so much on me to react to. I love how you made the connection back to your mother because that's exactly what I was thinking. As you talked about the idea of feeling seen and heard, it's special. People want to feel like they are being treated special because we all are special in our own special way. I think the key thing is how you create that moment and that experience that creates that. Coming back to that moment, you mentioned your mother. That's so neat because of the fact that it doesn't have to be done in some glamorous, showing way. It can be done and little moments and little special things.

You might have a favorite cafe or restaurant that you enjoy going to. When the regulars see you, their face lights up. They smile at you, like, “I see you. Welcome back.” When someone says to you, “Welcome back,” that is a beautiful experience. I call that a champagne moment. It's like something ordinary that they've made extraordinary for you. A champagne moment is something that brings you joy or makes you smile. Think about the daily routine when the valet recognizes us, when the barista hands us coffee with that extra smile because they know this is our order. That doesn't cost anything to make people feel seen and welcome.

When you said barista, I 100% agree with you. There's something about that. It's like, “They know my coffee order. How did they do that?” That’s because I come here regularly, and they know that loyalty is something that is worth valuing. People who show up consistently are the ones who are the lifeblood of any business. Why wouldn't they want to do that?

We talk about in the book this idea of what we call an experienced elevation model. What that does is it does everything from capturing the attention of either clients who want to serve or maybe clients who you haven't talked to for a little while, all the way through to be able to have them become advocates for you. Think of attention as mindshare. How do you stay top of mind with the people you want to serve? Think about market share, driving revenue for those advocates. This framework is a triangle model inside the book. It gives you these systems of elevation, all these different ideas of how you can truly move from mindshare to be top of mind, to market share to be top of market.

What we want to think about whether we're a business owner, whether we are a middle manager in a technology firm, we want to think about who the people are whose attention I want to be able to capture and be able to demonstrate my expertise and experience to, all the way through to how to get those people to become advocates for me in my career, my journey, my products and services I offer. Advocacy loyalty is so important today. In our digital AI world, people are craving this human connection. The way we show up with our loyalty, whether it's online or offline, is one way to demonstrate that.

Speaking With Customization, Personalization, And Fascination

You have me thinking about this in a different way. It's thinking about this idea of when you feel stuck, or you feel like, “Why am I not getting the recognition that I need? “Why am I not getting the things that, with the effort I'm putting in, I’m not getting the things back what I expected?” It's not about working harder to get that. It's more about what is one small thing that I can do, one intentional act that will get the attention of the people who I need to see me. I would like to hear your thoughts about that.

There are two kinds of people tuning in to this. Some people are like, “I don't want to talk about myself. Don't make me talk about myself. I am an introvert,” or they will use phrases like, “I don't want to promote myself.” That's one kind of person who is sitting around the campfire with us. Other people who would be toasting their marshmallows to make their S’mores are people who are like, “Sure. I'm happy to tell everyone about what I'm doing.” Regardless of where you join us in the campfire, one of the things to consider is that we need to find systems of elevation that feel comfortable for you, that are authentic and relatable, to use the fabulous guest you had, Rachel DeAlto. I highly encourage everyone to go back and tune in to that episode, where she talks about being relatable.

What we have to think about is finding a way to tell the story of what we do to articulate our value in a way that is congruent with who we are, that captures the attention of the people who are important to you, but it needs to be personalized and customized. Working with so many luxury brands, I know they're great at that. Personalization is about information. What information do you have about yourself or the people that you're talking to, so you could then customize and connect at a deeper level? Customizations about connection.

Find a way to tell your story and articulate your value in a personalized and customized way to capture everyone’s attention.

The third piece that is missing sometimes when we're trying to talk about what it is we do is this key idea of fascination. Too often, we vomit out everything we know. We talk about all the features and the benefits of our products. We talk about how great we are. Honestly, we need to have more fascination. We need to be more curious. Fascination requires anticipation. Can you anticipate what they might need to hear or what they could benefit from hearing, as opposed to just saying that horrible term elevator pitch?

You have an elevator pitch, business on an elevator. I have done this on the elevator. What you need is an opportunity to walk across the lobby with that person to share what it is that you do, so they invite you to the boardroom and say, “Can you come to my boardroom about this? Nobody has done business and elevated. This whole elevator pitch, I’m not a fan. I do think we have to have ways to articulate our value, to share our story in a way that is very beneficial for the person that we're talking with, not talking to. That requires customization, personalization, and definitely fascination.

Wherever you are on your journey, if you hate talking about yourself, use phrases like, “My team would describe me like this. A client would tell you I'm like this. Other leaders have used words to describe me like this.” You can use the third-party endorsement to make yourself feel more comfortable. If you are confident talking about yourself, do it boldly and confidently. I have always walked into every room and assumed everyone wants to play with me. I always have this contagious confidence that I have. You have to be able to articulate your value. Don't blink. Don't look away.

I had a boss once. This beautiful, tall woman’s name is Barbara. She has this gorgeous hair. I remember her saying to me, “Neen, you need to be able to tell me three things you're good at. Don't blink. Don't look away.” That advice has stuck with me. I got it so young in my career. Some of you who are tuning in to this, wherever you are around the campfire, if I asked you right now, “Could you tell me three things you are good at? Don't blink. Don't look away,” could you articulate your value in the world in a way that you confidently can project it? If you think people are going to notice all the hard work you're doing, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but people are so in their own worlds that they don’t notice. We have to be advocates for ourselves in our careers so that we can then share the value we can contribute to the business.

I love what you're sharing, especially nowadays, where everyone is so in their own world. Look at the elevator pitch. You can't elevator pitch anymore because people in the elevator are watching their phones.

They are working from home. They're not even in the building. Here's the thing. When I wrote Attention Pays, one of the things that I hate hearing is that so often people say, “Attention span is declining. Our attention is declining. We don't have attention anymore.” That's rubbish because if you have ever been to watch your favorite show on Netflix, you've had plenty of attention. It's not that our attention span is declining. It’s that our attention is split.

We have to choose who and what deserves our attention. Everybody wants our attention, but not everybody deserves our attention. If you want to be someone who is deserving of that attention, then perhaps you could take an approach of curiosity about the other person. Learn their name, learn what's important to them, and learn what their measurements of success are, so that when you do articulate your value, you're also speaking to what they need. We talked about in the book how to speak the luxury language of the mindset you want to attract. We have to be thinking more, not always about ourselves, but who is the recipient of this great conversation we're going to have, so we can be in conversation as opposed to a presentation.

I love that because I think that's what we need. People want to be in conversation, and that's what's going to hold people's attention for sure. If we constantly are just saying, “I know what they need to hear. Therefore, I'm just going to blabber on about the things that you think are important. That has not always been the case. You need to be in tune with the people who are going to be receiving the message. The more you are, the more you know.

Think Like A Concierge, Not A Bellhop

One of the things I talk about in the book, and having the privilege of working with so many global hotels around the world, is that I think about many people who might be tuning in to this. They think like a bellhop. A bellhop is vital in every hotel. That bellhop is going to move your bag so quickly through the floor and up to your room. We want that efficiency. Some people who are tuning in might be acting like a bellhop. They are crossing things off their to-do list. They are racing from one Team or Zoom meeting to the next, trying to get to the bottom of their inbox. It’s very transactional.

What we want to do is to be leaders. I use the word leader for everyone, regardless of where you are. Tuning in to this show makes you a leader. We need to think like a concierge. A concierge is the go-to person in the hotel, the most revered position. They know everything and everyone. They can get you that seat at that table or that ticket for that event. Here's what's interesting about a concierge. A concierge anticipates needs you didn't even know you had. They would share these experiences and opportunities with you, and you're like, “I didn't know I needed that. Now, I do.” What I want people on this show to be thinking about is, can you think like a concierge, not a bellhop?

My mind is blown by that because that concept is such a powerful one. Oftentimes, we are almost like the bellhop. This is not to be offensive to bellhops. We love you, guys.

It’s a great role, but it's transactional, while the concierge is transformational. That's what we need to explore. How can we move from transactional to transformational in a world right now, where people are craving the human connection, where they are looking for evolution? You'd better have a good reason for someone to look up from their phone these days. If you're not interesting or fascinating to them, if you're not personalizing or customizing for them, they have a thousand other ways that people can grab their attention. We need to, as leaders, think about the way we’re showing up, our physicality, our language, and all of those pieces that allow us to show up in the world.

You'd better have a good reason for someone to look up from their phones these days.

It's powerful, first of all, this concept. It can be applied in so many ways. Even just thinking about the person who, let's say, is a data analyst, or someone who is dealing with numbers. It's like transactional is no longer the thing. How do you transform this into a story? How do you create something a little more transformational? Because AI is here and it's not going away, we have to figure out how we're using the tools to do more of the transactional, which is the bellhop. You are then moving into the concierge, which is, “How do I take this information and use it to skillfully transform?”

That analyst has an advantage. The data analyst has information. Remember, I said personalization requires information. The data analyst is at a perfect place to think like a concierge because they have insights that maybe the rest of the business doesn't have. If you are fortunate to be in a row where you have access to the profitability, to the metrics, or to any of those diagnostic things that we use in a business, you are even more valuable now. Now, you have the opportunity to interpret the data. You can go to leadership and say, “I noticed this trend. I'm seeing our competitors are doing this, but we're doing this. This is the industry's best practice, but here's where we are. Here's the story that I think would support that.”

If you can take all of those fantastic data points and the evidence you have, and then create a story, I would also encourage you to add an extra piece. Something we talk about in the book that's powerful is being able to use a metaphor. Metaphors are memorable and repeatable. They allow people to create a visual image in their brains. You've done that with this show. We're sitting around a virtual campfire, where we're making those S’mores together as we share all these stories.

As a data person, I want you to think about what metaphor makes sense to light up the right hemisphere of someone's brain. You're very much allocating all that left hemisphere. You’ve given them the data, the graphs, and all of the evidence, but sometimes we need to make it easy for people by lighting up the right hemisphere of their brain and giving them a metaphor. We have a whole lot of metaphors in the book that people love. Think about how you can take what it is that you know and then create a metaphor for it.

Going Against The Norm And Listening To Yourself

I want to shift gears for a moment and get back into your story. We've shared a lot about the book. What are some other moments along the way that have been a challenge or have shifted your perspective? I know you got into this world of speaking and what have you. Was there anything along the way where you're like, “This is really happening. What do I do with it?”

I made so many mistakes as a new speaker. I can’t even tell you. If there were books to be written about all the things that could be done wrong in the speaking industry, Neen James' name would be top of the list. Here's what happened. As a new speaker, I was a corporate chick. I knew corporate. I love corporate. I work with corporate clients, but speaking is its own beast. Rachel talked about that a little bit as well. If someone recommended a course, I did it. If they wrote a book, I bought it. I watched everyone, not because I wanted to do what they were doing, but because I wanted to see. From a corporate point of view, I was always doing my due diligence.

I was watching all of these different people, and I was like, “You have to wear a suit. You have to say that. You have to pause here.” I remember being over guru. There were so many different methodologies and many models for running a speaking practice. I was like, “Wait a second. Every person from the head of the National Speakers Association all the way through said to me, “You're going to have to get voice coaching. You're never going to make any money with that voice that sounds like a cartoon character.” If you're tuning in to this, I promise you need to add a zero to the five that you think I sound like.

There was only one person who said to me, “No. That is your voice. Use your voice.” That was one of the best pieces of advice that I got. Even though I made a lot of mistakes as a speaker, I went against everything that people were telling me. They were telling me I needed voice coaching. I didn't get it. I ended up using this voice to make the money that I've made and to impact the audience. I wear hot pink all the time. Pretty much when you see me in person, on camera, online, or offline. All the time, it's always hot pink. I was working with very significant brands and very conservative industries.

 I remember walking into a New York local film and working with one of the managing partners, and they had a dress code. They were literally told what days, what colors they would wear. At the front reception, it was beige. Here comes this little 4”10.5’ in hot pink, and I was carrying a hot pink briefcase at the time, because briefcases were a thing. I remember the absolute disbelief look like, “What is this? Who are you?” I could have very easily tried to, and I did at one point. I’m trying to turn all that down, but this is who I am.

When I look back, sometimes lots of people have opinions. Lots of people want to give you their advice, but there are very few people who can speak into my life. That list is so small. Sometimes you have to trust your instinct, but I made all the mistakes and did all the things. I kept coming back to, “Wait a second. If I show up as who I am, that's easy. There's no hard work.”When I was trying to be what the speaking industry had a perception of being, and back then, they would say horrible things like, “You're not a real speaker unless you keynote.” I would make a lot of money training and doing workshops. I was like, “Hold on a second. This is embedding the learning in an organization.” They're like, “You’re not a big deal until you're a keynote.” Those are all silly old legacies. It's not like that now, now that they embrace all the different forms of speaking, which I've been in this industry for a long time, obviously.

When I look back on some of these things, it's when I sometimes went against the advice of all these well-intentioned people who wanted to give me advice to make me get off. Sometimes, you've got to be able to listen to yourself and go, “I appreciate that so much. That works for you, and that is awesome, but that's not just the way.” When I moved, especially when I was working with so many luxury brands, I'm not even kidding. I remember some very senior people in the speaking industry said to me, “You will never going to make it as a speaker in luxury. You're never going to be able to create any brand in this,” which is cute.

I get to do some cool things with people. If you're tuning in to this, sometimes it means you don't listen to other people. You have to trust what you know to be true. If you screw up, then own that and move on. I've certainly made a lot of products that didn't make it into the world. I've made mistakes, but I'm loving what I'm doing now.

It’s such a great lesson for people to learn. There's something about this. Sure, listen to other people's advice and be gracious about it, but you sometimes have to be bold and be you unabashedly. Even in the luxury space, to double-lean into that for a moment, even the luxury brands don't get where they are by just following the herd blindly. They do things that make them stand out. Sometimes they do a rebrand, and it doesn't work. They have to claw back and say, “That's okay. We tried something out and it didn't work, but we have to continue to evolve and try new things.” Otherwise, people get bored.

It also means that not everyone is for us all the time. That lesson from my mom that everyone deserves to feel special, luxury brands do that really well. You don't have to be a luxury product to provide a luxury level of service. You can make anyone feel like they're the most special person to you, whether you run an auto shop, whether you run a major corporation, or a bank, whether you are an entrepreneur, or whether you are a corporate employee. You can all do that. You don't have to be a luxury product to do that.

What I noticed about luxury brands is that when they’re at their best, when they've mapped that customer journey well, and they know who it is they serve, they're not trying to serve everyone else. There is a lovely luxury strategist I was also listening to, who was talking about the late Armani and how it was always him at the head. He didn't influence all other brands. He brought in multiple designers over the years, and they have changed, but he stayed true to the classic design. It’s absolutely his fingerprints. The day that he left us, it was his signature. He is on everything.

When you think about that, that's cool. When you think about luxury brands, they don't go on sale. They just don't. Chanel doesn’t go on sale because Chanel knows it's worth. What's fascinating is that if you ever go into a Chanel boutique or you go to a Chanel counter in your department store to buy a Chanel lipstick, the team members who are sharing that service with you are obsessed with Coco Chanel. They would tell you the story of her.

Every lipstick case has a story. The merchandising has a story. The color palette has a story. Because they know the story, they believe in what it is they're doing. That translates for all of us. If we believe in what we're doing, then we can shut out the noise of everyone else's opinions, or all the other competing brands, and just pay attention to the people that we do want to serve, the people that we want to stand and service. We all get that choice.

If you believe in what you are doing, you can shut out the noise of everyone else’s opinion.

I love the obsessiveness of this, but in a good way. It's like the passion about it.

It’s contagious. Same as you are about inspiring people. You can't help but want to be around other people who inspire you. You then get to have that ripple effect across the planet as you bring people around your campfire to help inspire others. You get to do it at scale.

You got me. That's exactly it. I love that you say that. That's exactly how we roll. We want to make sure that there is an element of resonance that we put out in the world. When you know who you are, you start to do more of the things that are going to bring more of what you want into the world.

I think it's interesting too, if you take speaking as a profession. The more you speak, the more you speak. The more you speak in luxury, the more you speak in luxury. If you speak a lot in North Dakota, you're going to speak more in North Dakota because people are going to love what it is that you do in North Dakota. They are going to tell other people in North Dakota. It's the same thing around we surround ourselves with people that we feel will help for where we're at. We need to look at the people who are around us. Are these the people who are helping you rise and do what it is you do and show up in the world in the best possible way?

Sometimes we all have to set people free. We have to set projects free. I've certainly set clients free. I've had many opportunities presented to me. I will say that's not on brand for me. That's not congruent with my beliefs. That's a privilege. It's a privilege to be able to say no. You might be an employee right now, and you're like, “I have to pay my student loans, and my mortgage, and I've got kids to raise, and I've got all those things.” It's then about finding what projects, assignments, or volunteer opportunities can be aligned with who you are, so you get to do more of that.

You might have a job that pays the bills, and I respect that so much. We've all been there, and we all do that, but then there might be something that you could do to volunteer with the church, a non-profit, or your community that lights you up and allows you to contribute to the world in that way. For people tuning in to this, I encourage you to reach out to the boards that need help. The shelters, the animal shelters, the women's shelter. There are so many places you can use your talents in the world and share attention, and do things that will light you up.

Finding Those Little Sparks To Make Bigger Fires

What I call them is finding those little sparks. Those sparks can then light bigger fires. Before you know it, you've got something happening there that can bring new passion into your life.

How good do we feel when we are serving other people? If you’re having a bad day, do something nice for someone outside. Every time that little spark or that opportunity to give a significant moment, or what I call a champagne moment, has a beautiful ripple effect.

Who doesn't like a champagne moment? Come on. I love it.

What a moment if you don't drink champagne. You know what I'm saying. Take something ordinary and make it extraordinary for that person. It could even be just for yourself, like elevating your morning routine. I love to drink my coffee out of a Tiffany teacup, which sounds so pretentious, but it's the only one I have, and I love it because it's like a little routine. It's a ritual of having coffee. I take the time to savor that coffee in the morning. It's not functional. I'm not drinking it out of a styrofoam cup on my way somewhere. I'm making it part of my routine. Think about giving yourself these moments because you're so worth it. What's your champagne moment that you're worth today?

That's one of the things I love that you shared. It's a question that we should be challenging. A challenge we should have people, like creating champagne moments. Little things like drinking coffee out of a Tiffany cup.

What’s the most important thing to you that makes you happy? People are literally tagging me now. Hashtag champagne moments, Neen James. Tag me and take a photo, and say, “I am with it. This is something I want to do in the world.” Look for champagne moments not just for yourself, but for your team, for your partner, for your community. Be the person who is creating those champagne moments for others as well, but it starts with you.

Elevate Your Own Luxury Mindset

I agree. We've covered so much ground, and I'm completely blown away. I want to see if there's something that you want to share in terms of ideas from the book that you haven't shared or something that you'd like to tap into that we haven't gone over yet.

For the people who are tuning in, regardless of where you are on your journey, whether you are an employee or whether you are an entrepreneur, I want you to go back to what we're talking about when it comes to thinking like a concierge. I want you to elevate your own mindset. We talked about in the book having a luxury mindset, like thinking about being a luxury leader. The word luxury can sometimes be very divisive. Some people are like, “Neen, I'm not luxury.” I'm like, “Okay.”

Here's what I want you to think about. I want you to think about luxury as inclusive and exclusive. Luxury is inclusive because it's for everyone, every day, all the time. We all deserve it. It's exclusive because we can roll out the red carpet for people and give them that special experience of feeling seen and heard. When I said attention is about connection, luxury is about the human connection. I want all of us to realize that maybe the way you've thought about luxury was an expensive handbag or a car. No, luxury is about experiences, not things. We all have the power to create these experiences.

Attention is about connection. Luxury is about human connection.

It could be spending a few extra minutes with your loved one in the morning. That's a luxury time when we're all running around like crazy. It's that attention that you're spending with a person whom you care about. It could be all the difference.

I had this friend, and we would debate about luxury. He said to me, “Neen, luxuries are unnecessary.” I was like, “Tell me more.” He's a philanthropist, and he's a very successful business president. I said, “You have like top-tier inn hotels. You have top-tier airlines.” He was like, “Yeah.” We were talking about how he uses those fast Lanes, where you pay premiums for certain times of day, so he gets somewhere faster. I was like, “Your luxury is…” He said time. To him, while he doesn't need the thread count on a hotel bed or a fancy car, he needs the luxury of time. He will pay for the time. He values time. He wants others to respect his time.

When we think about luxury, for some of you, it might be the luxury of time. It might be investing in yourself, meditating a little longer. Treating yourself to a walk after dinner at night, just because. Not touching your phone when you first wake up and giving yourself the opportunity to move your body to meditate, to do whatever it is that you need to do for you before you open yourself up into the world.

The luxury of time might be something that people need to think about, and give themselves that gift, but then do it for others. When you stop, when you put your device down, close your laptop, and look someone in the eyes. You do what my friend Donovan did. He's five. My friend Donovan gave me the best lesson in attention ever. He said, “Neen, listen with your eyes. We don't just listen with our ears. We listen with our eyes. We listen with our hearts. We listen with our soul.” The wisdom of a five-year-old. If there's a challenge to people listening to this. Could you listen with your eyes more? That's a very cool way to pay attention.

I'm blown away. You're a gift. I'm so glad that you're here to share this wisdom. It's a mindset shift that we need to embrace. A lot more people need to embrace this now because a lot of people are going through their days, almost on autopilot, and feeling like, “I'm just going to get through this.”

I don't think we’re anywhere more connected 24/7 than we’ve ever been in our history. We’re feeling so much more disconnected than we ever have before. There are ways that we could reach out. I said to you that I've always walked into a room and assumed everyone wants to play with me. I also walk into a room and assume the role of the hostess because I want to make sure everyone feels included. That's the luxury’s inclusive piece.

I saw my mom do this. Often, people gravitated to the hostess with the most depth. We didn't have a lot of resources in money, but she would make cookies or do something that made people feel welcome. I think we all have that privilege. If you see someone alone or standing alone, maybe you could be the person who says hello to them, instead of us waiting, just being that kindness. Are we talking about random acts of kindness? No. I want systemized thoughtfulness. I want deliberate acts of kindness out in the world, and we need systems, and to be intentional with our attention. We all have the power to do that. It costs us nothing but a little bit of time.

Neen’s Most Recommended Books

We are coming close to the end of time together. That's a luxury that I don't have right now, but I have one last question for you. What are one or two books, or more, that have an impact on you and why?

I struggle with this question every time I'm asked it. It's like if a parent had to pick a favorite child, I bet they couldn't. For me, I may talk about the authors more than the books.

Sure. Absolutely.

I am pretty sure that anything that Adam Grant writes, I will read. I love that he has thought leadership. I love that it has practical application for you personally and professionally. I have a girl crush on Brené Brown. I love the way she shows up in the world, and that it's research-oriented, so anything that she writes. I particularly loved The Gifts of Imperfection. I thought that was a beautiful book. Dare to Lead, which Rachel DeAlto referenced in her interview, is another good one.

What I would say is that the modern-day idea whisperer that I love is Tamsen Webster. She is phenomenal. The book that I get all of my executives to read is her latest book. She has written several, but one of my favorites is the book called Say What They Can't Unhear. Tamsen walks you through nine different principles. It's such a brilliant book. I think we should all read it because the way that she talks about message design, the words we use, and how to help be more persuasive and influential, we can all benefit from that. While I can't recommend a particular book, her’s is one that I get all my executives. I do a lot of executive consulting and coaching. It's compulsory reading. It's that good.

I'm so glad you mentioned. Tamsen is a prior guest of mine and a friend. She's fantastic. What a wonderful book. Adam Grant and Brené, I'm going to ditto that because it's hard to pick an Adam Grant book.

I love Think Again. That's one of my favorites. Hidden Potential is very great. Anything that Adam and Brené do has a timeliness when they share their message with the world. Adam is particularly clever on social media and the sound bites that he creates as well. He does visual graphics, as well as actual words. For the people tuning in to this, that costs you nothing to follow these authors and thought leaders. Maybe you get inspired to find something that resonates with you.

If you're looking to elevate your own experience in the world or the experience of this have a view, the easiest and cheapest way to do that is to buy the books and support the thought leadership of people like Adam, Brené, especially people like Tamsen, who are doing great things. I would love to buy my book, but I think it's about exposing yourself to thought leaders who are very current and relevant right now.

This has been such a wonderful conversation, so many great stories and insights. Your energy is so infectious. Thank you so much for bringing all that you did. It has been a pleasure.

It's my privilege. Thank you for everything you do in the world to inspire so many people.

Get In Touch With Neen

I accept that so graciously. Before I let you go, I need to give you a space to share where people can find out more about you and where they can learn more about your work. Where is the best place to reach out?

The great thing is there's only one Neen James. If you go to NeenJames.com, you will find me. You can follow my adventures every day on Instagram or reach out to me directly on LinkedIn. If you do, make sure on LinkedIn, you tell me that it's because of Tony that we got to connect.

I love it. Awesome. I am so thrilled that we did this. Thanks to you and thanks to the people who have tuned in to this episode. I know you're leaving with a new frame of mind around luxury and how to create exceptional experiences. I am blown away. Thanks. That's a wrap.

Important Links

• Neen James
• Neen James on Instagram
• Neen James on LinkedIn
• Folding Time
• Attention Pays
• Exceptional Experiences
• The Gifts of Imperfection
• Dare to Lead
• Say What They Can't Unhear
• Think Again
• Hidden Potential
• Leading Through Authenticity And Relatability With Rachel DeAlto

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